​Maybe you will get to the end of this blog and think I am crazy or naive or misinformed. And that's fine. But if there were one thing I would hope to accomplish it would be that every reader walks away feeling a little smaller, in a good way. No matter what angle you are coming from when reading these words, I hope that you pause long enough to consider that there may be some surprises in store for every one of us when it comes to all that we cannot see. 

So keep that image of the pale blue dot in your mind while I offer another thought exercise. Imagine you encounter the Creator of this cosmos. The maker of the galaxies, the deep sea and the human mind. 
Don’t let your mind get into specifics just yet. Just thinking generally… if you met this supposed God, do you think you would see eye to eye on everything? Just chat like old friends over a cute of coffee? Or would it be different— more like meeting a lion in the wild. Would you feel out of your element-- afraid? Astounded? Simultaneously wanting more but backing away at the same time. Drawn in or repelled?



 

I don’t know, but I suspect it would be a mix of both. Life is funny like that. 



 

In some ways I think meeting God would feel like meeting your soulmate— a “love at first sight” type feeling… but on a much bigger, cosmic level. Perhaps for the first time in your life, you would feel seen down to your very core and still accepted and valued. You start to ask all of those big existential questions that you’ve been waiting on your whole life- only to have them catch in your throat- the answers suddenly don’t seem as important. I think you would feel drawn to God in the same way you feel drawn toward a stunning sunset or the view from atop a mountain— wanting to reach in and go deeper. 

And yet… I don’t think it would all be so seamless like a fairy tale. Paradoxically, I think something in us would feel conflicted, too, simply because I can’t imagine sharing a meal with a being powerful enough to control the seas and there not be a certain element of dissonance.

 

There is no adequate analogy as there is nothing created that is really very much like God. But I heard an analogy a long time ago that stuck with me. A man was describing his childhood dog- a German shepherd. The dog was devoted to his family and the man recalls being able to crawl on and lay all over him. He was a gentle giant who asked for belly rubs and gave kisses in return. One day the boy was out in the yard petting the dog when suddenly out of no where the dog jumped up and snatched a cardinal out of midair and shook it to death. The boy just blinked in astonishment- his experience with his dog was generally so tender that he had nearly forgotten that the dog was in fact a dog- an apex predator and hunter by nature.

 



I am not suggesting that God eats birds or that he will be violent when we least expect it. It is not a perfect analogy, but what I intend to highlight is the wedding of both a deep intimacy with the unexpected or unknown. Everything I believe about God points to a sense of familiarity, intimacy, and affection. After all, as our maker, he knows us in a way we cannot even know ourselves. And yet at the same time he is other than us. It can be easy to begin to ascribe characteristics to God in such a way that he becomes an appendage of ourselves, a design from the depths of our own mind. We need moments like the boy with his German shepherd— moments that catch us off guard, perhaps even startle us or confuse us because we need to be reminded that God is distinctly not human and that he is beyond us. If we are never challenged or made uncomfortable by what we learn about God then he is no God after all but rather a construct we have fit neatly into the box of our own human thoughts and experiences. 



 

Now let’s consider human relationships. Imagine two people very much in love- their interests and values are compatible. They enjoy spending time together so much that they willingly choose to spend the rest of their lives together. Even in this relationship- as congruous as they come, we would expect conflict to arise at some time or another. In any relationship- even the healthiest of marriages- two people find themselves at odds with one another. A deep disagreement that is just not able to be resolved easily. Now there are ways to work through disagreements even when your viewpoints don’t align. But my point is, it’s simply not possible to have a relationship with something outside of yourself without some level of conflict- that is just the nature of two different beings or selves working together- at some point their thoughts, feelings, and wills do not align perfectly.

 



I think it is only natural to expect some dissonance in our relationship with God at times, too.  If we met God face to face, I think awe and wonder would be accompanied by a keen awareness of your lack of power and maybe with that some stirring of frustration or rebellion. Simply put, I think meeting God would be complicated. Human relationships are complex enough- add quite a few more layers- and you are sure to have a relationship with some real highs and lows… or at least some complex questions or doubts at times. 




 

So I don’t know- I have never met God face to face in a physical way so this is all merely conjecture but I want to remain open to the fact that at times encountering God must be most uncomfortable. By definition, God must be a separate being than me- and more than that, a separate substance and species (if we could even call it that). If God were tame- if he jumped at my whims and bent to my very important opinions (which by the way change from time to time) - he would, by nature, cease to be God. And yet the wildness of an uncharted landscape is what is so beautiful, majestic, and enticing. It is why hikers endure the sweat and the twisted ankle and sore feet to look over the summit. Once the trees are cleared, the briars and weeds replaced with squares of sod, the animals dispersed, and the peaks and valleys smoothed over and made ready for pavement. Then, the people cease to be amazed. 



 

 

 

 

 

While I think very few of us would claim to have met God face to face, I do think he has left "breadcrumbs" along the way for the seekers among us. 
As I walk along the trail and pick up these bread crumbs--examining them bit by bit, how will I know I am looking at pieces or shadows of God? What if they are just reflections of my own desires, a figment of an imagination that is always searching for more out of this life. 

I ask myself this often. I have thought about this from a number of angles and my answer is complex and would draw upon many disciplines. But the crux of it- the most simple explanation I could offer in a few sentences is that Jesus’ teachings mysteriously challenge what I think I want. They turn my impulses on their head in a way that I would never come up with on my own. But at the same time as I painfully loosen my grip on what I thought I wanted, instead of falling, I find something grips me from underneath and I find my deeper desires are being met tenfold in a way I could not have dreamed. 
I think what I am saying is this: “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it” (Matthew 16:25).

​

The times I have personally felt the most connected to God are ironically when I become suddenly aware of my shortcomings before him. The awareness or conviction comes with such gentleness and kindness- more than I would ever give myself and yet at the same time a piercing gaze within into unexplored layers like my underlying motives with such insight, that I know in a moment, the realization is not from my self. The gentleness and the piercing-- another strange paradox- as this is what it is to know God. My lesser desires of being right, being vindicated, feeling powerful or important, are shown for what they are but there is no time to become defensive or attempt to justify because at the exact same time I met with a love and intimacy that goes far below these shallow and touches the desire at my very core. 

​

So I'll keep after these mysterious breadcrumbs as I seek to encounter God-- knowing that sometimes I will get it wrong. Sometimes the truth is blurry or so completely unexpected that it only makes sense when looking backwards. But if the past is any indication of the future, then as we walk on, my deepest desires and longings will be met. But along the way, I must shed the lesser ones. A snake must shed his skin to grow larger which I imagine is at times itchy and uncomfortable but alas it is the way toward growth.



 

I hope I have emphasized humility and mystery which tends to de-emphasize any simple lessons. But if there was one to pull from here it would be to try to hold the dissonance lightly and work with it.

​

And now that we've considered the pale blue dot and the German Shepherd and all the awe in between, it's time to start our more concrete conversations!